Have you ever heard a child state that a parent loves a sibling more than them? Maybe your child has even asked you who you love the most. How did you respond? Was it the typical, “I love you all the same”? Is this really true? No two children are the same, so how can you love them the same?
While traveling to move my oldest into her new apartment for her final year of undergrad work, my other two children were with me and started this discussion. It was based upon me saying how I was having more difficult time this year with the whole school thing and kids growing up. You see my second child is now a senior in high school. For clarification, my oldest two are girls and my son is in 6th grade. (This will be important to understand later.)
Knowing that Kandace will be graduating this year and leaving for college, along with Kayla now in her own apartment, decorated as her own home, brings strong emotions and a feeling of separation. I know this is a normal growth process and there is joy in knowing how well they have prepared for this time in their lives. Nonetheless, dad is sad!
During the conversation, I was told that the reason it was harder this time, was because I love Kandace more. Why does a child’s mind always tend to go this direction? Why is it that when we show a different reaction to one child versus another, we love one more than the other?
Reactions and emotions with children are not a measure of love, but a direct result of the relationship they have with each. My love for my children is equal for each. I would give my life to protect them from any harm!! No difference of love between the three, however the relationship is different with each because of their different needs, ages and the things they are facing in their lives. I explained that when Kayla graduated and left for college, I was sad, but the relationship that I had with her before she left, became the relationship that I had with Kandace. First boyfriends, homecomings and proms were the new obstacles she faced, but I had been there for Kayla and would now go there again with Kandace. For Kayla, our relationship would be different as she was spreading her wings and becoming more independent. Very hard for a father to handle, but easier with another daddy’s girl in the nest.
This year’s extra sadness is explained in that when Kandace graduates, that relationship will be gone forever as she moves into another part of her life. I will no longer be the dad going on choir trips with his girl, going to football games with my senior and watching her whoop and holler or just lending an ear when high school friends show their pettiness and forget who their real friends are. That relationship will be gone forever. I was fortunate to live it twice with her and Kayla, as I will each phase of the father/daughter relationship, but each is a little different.
It is true that I will face high school issues again in a few years with Gregory, but that is a totally different relationship. Instead of me putting the fear of God in some young man wanting to date my daughter, some other father will be trying to put the fear of God in Gregory while I raise him to treat the young lady in his life with respect. While we tell our daughters not to accept anything but the best treatment while also respecting the man in their lives, with our sons, we must teach (show) them the way to treat a woman so that they are respected. Again no change in love for each child, just a different relationship and different needs based upon where they are in their life.
As I laid my head on my pillow this night, God spoke to me about this conversation. When we see someone being blessed of God with job, money, new car or even just health, do we question His love for us? When tragedy hits us, do we blame God instead of turning to Him for comfort? Maybe we even have thoughts of God loving us more because we are Protestant, Baptist, Catholic, Methodist or better yet, just because we are Christians and not still sinners.
“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 He didn’t die just for me, or you, but for all of mankind. Just like I would do anything to protect my own children equally, He died for all equally. His love is not determined by religion, race, prosperity or even works. His love is perfect and is given to all freely and equally.
The difference with God is just as it is with myself and my children. IT IS RELATIONSHIP. What is different between the sinner and the Christian? RELATIONSHIP! What is the difference between a down hearted Christian and a Christian that faces adversity with hope? RELATIONSHIP!
God is no respecter of persons. He does not guarantee that you will never face hardship, or that you will never see pain in your life, but He does promise that you will never be alone and that you will face nothing greater than you can bear. How does He fulfill this promise? Through relationship! That relationship is your love-line and it depends on you!
