Dad, Who do you love the most?

Have you ever heard a child state that a parent loves a sibling more than them? Maybe your child has even asked you who you love the most. How did you respond? Was it the typical, “I love you all the same”? Is this really true? No two children are the same, so how can you love them the same?

While traveling to move my oldest into her new apartment for her final year of undergrad work, my other two children were with me and started this discussion. It was based upon me saying how I was having more difficult time this year with the whole school thing and kids growing up. You see my second child is now a senior in high school. For clarification, my oldest two are girls and my son is in 6th grade. (This will be important to understand later.)

Knowing that Kandace will be graduating this year and leaving for college, along with Kayla now in her own apartment, decorated as her own home, brings strong emotions and a feeling of separation. I know this is a normal growth process and there is joy in knowing how well they have prepared for this time in their lives. Nonetheless, dad is sad!

During the conversation, I was told that the reason it was harder this time, was because I love Kandace more. Why does a child’s mind always tend to go this direction? Why is it that when we show a different reaction to one child versus another, we love one more than the other?

Reactions and emotions with children are not a measure of love, but a direct result of the relationship they have with each. My love for my children is equal for each. I would give my life to protect them from any harm!! No difference of love between the three, however the relationship is different with each because of their different needs, ages and the things they are facing in their lives. I explained that when Kayla graduated and left for college, I was sad, but the relationship that I had with her before she left, became the relationship that I had with Kandace. First boyfriends, homecomings and proms were the new obstacles she faced, but I had been there for Kayla and would now go there again with Kandace. For Kayla, our relationship would be different as she was spreading her wings and becoming more independent. Very hard for a father to handle, but easier with another daddy’s girl in the nest.

This year’s extra sadness is explained in that when Kandace graduates, that relationship will be gone forever as she moves into another part of her life. I will no longer be the dad going on choir trips with his girl, going to football games with my senior and watching her whoop and holler or just lending an ear when high school friends show their pettiness and forget who their real friends are. That relationship will be gone forever. I was fortunate to live it twice with her and Kayla, as I will each phase of the father/daughter relationship, but each is a little different.

It is true that I will face high school issues again in a few years with Gregory, but that is a totally different relationship. Instead of me putting the fear of God in some young man wanting to date my daughter, some other father will be trying to put the fear of God in Gregory while I raise him to treat the young lady in his life with respect. While we tell our daughters not to accept anything but the best treatment while also respecting the man in their lives, with our sons, we must teach (show) them the way to treat a woman so that they are respected. Again no change in love for each child, just a different relationship and different needs based upon where they are in their life.

As I laid my head on my pillow this night, God spoke to me about this conversation. When we see someone being blessed of God with job, money, new car or even just health, do we question His love for us? When tragedy hits us, do we blame God instead of turning to Him for comfort? Maybe we even have thoughts of God loving us more because we are Protestant, Baptist, Catholic, Methodist or better yet, just because we are Christians and not still sinners.

“Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13 He didn’t die just for me, or you, but for all of mankind. Just like I would do anything to protect my own children equally, He died for all equally. His love is not determined by religion, race, prosperity or even works. His love is perfect and is given to all freely and equally.

The difference with God is just as it is with myself and my children. IT IS RELATIONSHIP. What is different between the sinner and the Christian? RELATIONSHIP! What is the difference between a down hearted Christian and a Christian that faces adversity with hope? RELATIONSHIP!

God is no respecter of persons. He does not guarantee that you will never face hardship, or that you will never see pain in your life, but He does promise that you will never be alone and that you will face nothing greater than you can bear. How does He fulfill this promise? Through relationship! That relationship is your love-line and it depends on you!

My Thoughts on the Election as posted on Facebook

Tonight is a historic day because of the election and many of you have been posting negative comments based upon a dislike of Obama or of McCain. There have been comments between friends I'm sure because of the differences in belief based upon these two candidates. Some have called Obama the Anti-Christ just as some did when George Bush Jr. first ran in 2000. If you truly believe this, then you knew he would win.

My favorite comment tonight was made by one of you as you stated that this country can come down faster than it has grown if we as a nation do not support our leaders no matter who they are after the election is over. There has been a lot said about the future of this country and what would happen if and when Obama was elected. I have only the following to say to everyone.

The future of America and this world is not bleak because of Barack Obama, greenhouse gases, global warming or even nuclear weapons. The future of this world is bleak because of sin and a fallen man called Adam and the prophecies foretold in the scripture. If Barack plays a part, it is only because he fits in ... God's plan just like Judas betrayal of Christ. But, we have faith and hope in knowing that in the end, WE (God's children) WIN! Not Republican or Democrat, not black or white. But, those who are called of God and hold close those things in His word and the promise of His deliverance and when we shall inherit a new earth.

This is the time for your renewal with your God. He needs you more today than ever before to spread the Good News that there is hope and peace in knowing that Jesus Christ has paved the way for you by laying down His own life so that you may have life and have it more abundantly.

I pray for each of you because I have some ideas of what being a young person in high school or college may be like right now since I have one in each. Be true to yourself and hold strong to your faith and commit the following scriptures to memory. Those of you that are older, now is the time for us to support our young people as they are the ones that will be taking over where we leave off if Jesus tarries. Don't be afraid to tell them now and then how much you love them and appreciate the life they live as a witness for Him.

And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? Romans 8:31

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39

God Bless You All!!

Reflections of My Own

As the family traveled home from NYC, I was already looking forward trying to figure out what next. One of the things most people know about me is I love photography. All types, but I truly enjoy catching that photo that makes you just awestruck. Sometimes that may be a touchdown catch, a twinkle in a child's eye as they are in their element, (not posing), or just a sunset that shows how awesome God's creation is. Because of this and my just wanting to clear my head I made the comment on the way home that I was going to buy a motorcycle and hit the road when the kids started back to school and retrace some of the roads we had taken on our trip north with my camera. While I expected to hear something like, "you're gonna do what? you don't have a job," or "I don't think so!", nothing was even said.

After returning home I began to actually think I might have been serious. The more I talked about it, the more it became real and to beat it all, my wife was asking when I was going and became interested in what motorcycles I was looking at. Well, all that said, I didn't buy the motorcycle but did leave to take my trip driving my truck.

Crazy as it may sound, my mind was set on getting across the Maryland/Pennsylvania line and photographing a mountainside that had a train track running around it. Waiting for the train of course. That was the only goal in mind when I pulled out of my driveway. Knew where it was at, but hadn't really determined a specific route. Just going to get away with my camera.

T.S. Eliot wrote,
We shall not cease from our exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.

As I got into Birmingham, it was time to decide which way I would be traveling and I naturally gravitated to I-59 toward Chattanooga. It wasn't long until my mind was taken back and the reflections began. I wasn't really expecting the replay of my life that was about to take place in my mind. But that wasn't my call.

Along I-59, just outside of Fort Payne, AL sits a gas station off the exit on the side of a mountain. The only one around. The memories of my elderly mother and father-in-law in the back seat of our yellow Olds Cutlass needing to stop to use the restroom and get boiled peanuts. You see, Ellen and I were taking her dad to see his twin brother whom he had not seen in forever. This was in the 80's. We would enjoy our weekend as they reminisced and shared stories of long ago, not knowing that they would not see each other again on this earth.

A little ways up the road, I am taken farther back to my travels across country with my family. At 18, my parents drove me from Phoenix, AZ to Cleveland, TN to attend college. This reflection was sparked by a song on the radio. It also played 24 years ago on that trip and made me think of that girl I was going to TN for. Peabo Bryson's "If ever you're in my arms again" was now blasting on this oldies station I was picking up out of Chattanooga. I pulled off an exit in the Northwest corner of Georgia and got me a Dr. Pepper at the same little station where we had made our last stop all those years ago. Gone was the pool table where Dad and I played a game before we all loaded back up in the car to head to TN but not much else had changed except time.

Now my mind was all about reflecting. As I drove through Chattanooga, I remembered Rock City as a kid. Working in Chattanooga and going to night school after Kayla was born to finish my Bachelor's degree and even shopping for Christmas because at the time Cleveland didn't have anyplace to shop but Wal-Mart and it wasn't a superstore. Once I got to Cleveland, I drove by our first home and remembered that feeling I had the day we brought our first child home from the hospital to the nursery we had worked so hard to prepare. I also traveled by the house where I laid in the back yard on the slide with my kids and looked at the stars as discussed in the previous blog.

As I left Cleveland, I decided not to get back on the Interstate, but to travel the backroads north. Just kinda figured this would give me some photo opportunities and this was true. However, I didn't think about what my next reflection may be. In between Loudon and Farragut, TN, I recognize a field and a curve in the road. This eerie feeling came over me as I realized this was the place where on our first motorcycle ride together back in 1986, my dad was hit by a drunk driver and this was the side of the road where I looked at his legs broken and shattered. I don't want to remember this!

On to Farragut, the High School where Ellen and I attended our first Carmen concert. He was the Toby Mac of our day. Christian music on the edge but not Stryper. Also in Farragut was the Putt-Putt of America where we competed in weekly putt-putt tournaments in our first year of marriage and the little stream where we went fishing and had a tree fall on the car before we could get away from the storm that day. Driving through Knoxville, I passed a car that said "Just Married" following a U-Haul towing a car. The drivers were both on their cell phones talking to each other I'm sure. This was Ellen and I over 20 years ago, but we had to use hand signals to each other since we didn't have cell phones back then.


I had now decided to stay in Gatlinburg for the night, drive through the Smokies and then head up the Blue Ridge Parkway. Gatlinburg has lots of memories dating back to our honeymoon and many anniversaries as well as taking our kids to enjoy the mountains. As a child we visited the Smokies and saw lots of things in this Western side of North Carolina. As I drove through Cherokee, I remembered outdoor dramas, watching the Indians dance as a kid and just driving these curvy roads and seeing all of the quilts and crafts everywhere when you were standing in the back seat riding. Now, there aren't many Indians out in headdress, and most everyone is in town to go to the casino.

I was redirected through Boone, NC because part of the Parkway was closed because of road conditions and wouldn't you know ended up driving right by Tweetsie Railroad. The memories of the train, the gun fights and the red eye drinks in the saloon. (Root Beer) Oh the joys of a little boy in the wild wild west. Somewhere in these mountains, lies the Wizard of Oz where I remember walking the yellow brick road and the crooked house from the tornado. The memories of this area are pretty strong and they are some of the oldest that I have.

From here, I was now back on the Blue Ridge Parkway headed north. No more big cities of hustle and bustle, theme parks of fun and frivolity or bad memories of wrecks and pain. Just a road through the land. Through the mountains. Overlooking valleys. Animals and nature all around. Why did I want this trip? Why has this become my destination? God, why have you brought me here?

To be continued....

Reflections of the 'PASSED'

Well, summer is over, the kids are back in school and my time of reflection is about to come to an end as I look to begin my next career. Still not sure what it will be, but it is time to begin looking diligently. That being said, over the next week or so, I will be sharing my summer thoughts and what I have gleaned from this time of my life.

Let's begin with the summer's big family vacation. With Kayla probably attending summer classes next year at Auburn, this may have been our last chance for a true family vacation. We loaded up and traveled to New York City for our first visit ever to this major metropolis. We'll talk about the actual vacation later, but now let's discuss the theme of this city. No matter where you went and what story was being relayed, the talk of the Babe and Yankee Stadium being torn down was somewhere in the discussion. The words, legacy, legend, favorite son and house that Ruth built were staples in the talks of the locals. Amazingly enough, no one spoke of the Mets Stadium being torn down. (Both teams will have new stadiums next season)

Shea Stadium is one of the oldest stadiums in the National League and hosted those Miracle Mets of 69 that featured Ron Swoboda and a young Nolan Ryan. These people get no fanfare in the city even though Swoboda actually finished his career as a Yankee. No, the talk is of the Babe and his first homerun in Yankee Stadium which actually won the game and helped the Yankees to beat the Babe's former team, the Red Sox.

This hard throwing, hard hitting, and hard partying man was the talk of the town in the twenties and because of the draw that he had with fans, the Yankees were able to build their own stadium.

Yankee Stadium - The House that Ruth Built - The Cathedral of Baseball

The Babe was a prolific player and his place in sports history is sometimes used to describe players in other sports as they are called the Babe Ruth of ______________. His exploits on the field, were matched by his exploits off the field with charities and also his ambassadorship for the game of baseball overseas. These are the things spoken by those that talk of him. Occasionally they mention his cavorting, his three marriages and his two daughters.

Babe died in 1948. His homerun record was broken in 1974. Since then, the Babe has dropped to third on the all-time list with Bonds breaking Hank's record. Now his stadium is being torn down.

So now comes the beginning of reflection......

What is or will be my Legacy? As the old 4-Him song asked, "When I am gone, what will they say?"

Seventeen years with a company is a long time nowadays. I can say that the time off has been nice, but it leaves you wondering what next? During this time, life has had it's ups and downs, and I have faced some of the lowest moments of my life. However, I believe the last 6 years I was exactly where God wanted me as he dealt with me. While I always wanted to be known as one of the best District Manager's, or at least be respected of my peers, now I just pray that my witness was what it was to be during this time. I pray that in those times when there was a loss of a loved one, I was the support or strength that they could count on. That in sickness, they knew that I was a constant they could rely upon for prayer and visiting as time allowed. And in that moment, when they just needed a friend, they could trust me to listen and be there. Those are the things most important in life. It's not about what you do in business, but are you always about the Father's business?

What is your Legacy? What will they say about you? More to come......

- 4 Him Lyrics

Under the Stars

How long has it been since you sat under the stars and just stared into space. Alright, some of us stare into space alot, but I'm talking about that true space we call the Universe. When my kids were younger, we would lay out on the slide and look at the stars and just talk about how bright and beautiful they were. With each child those times were fewer and now that boy scouts is a memory with Gregory, those nights are almost non-existent.

I don't know if you were able to witness the moon tonight or even last night, but it was gorgeous. Not a good night for star watching because the moon was full and so bright but there were a few bright enough and if you knew what you were looking at, you probably even saw Mars glowing orange. (I did)

Last night I fired up the camera and snapped off at least a hundred photos with different shutter speeds and iso settings, and no matter what, I just couldn't capture the beauty that my eye beheld. Tonight, I decided just to sit and stare into space and take in the sights and the peacefulness of the moment. A very comfortable night for this time of year made for the perfect setting and the sky was clear except for some stray fluffy clouds that continued to pass by like a slide show.

As I watched the clouds pass, I thought of those days of playing with play-doh and the fun shapes we made. I pictured the clouds as the play-doh that God allows those children that unfortunately left this world early play with in Heaven. (2 of those children would be mine that I never got to hold in my arms) As they passed I saw a bear, woodsie owl, (for those of you old enough to know who that is) an airplane and then a big fluffy heart. More importantly I remembered why I enjoyed doing this with my children. Not only did we see cool things, and bright stars, but we (they) saw God. They saw him in His creation. In the things we take for granted every day but also in the things that they often didn't get to see because of bedtime. Outside under the great expanse, there was no tv, no video game, no noise except that of His own creation. Those nights were the times that you knew the answer to the inquisitive child who wanted to know, "where is God?" He is all around you, you just have to take the time to look and to listen.

So tonight it was just me taking it in as we as adults also must stop from time to time and realize how small we are in this great world and yet how big He is when our problems seem to be to big for us. My advice to you if you have small children, is every now and then, make an exception to the bedtime rule just to go outside and look at the stars with your kids. If you are a teenager, or adult without kids, take time for yourself every now and then to relax under the heavens and enjoy His handiwork.

Bringing joy to others

Recently I read a quote by Erma Bombeck that said, " There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake on Christmas morning and not be a child." While I disagree, the saddest being the loss of a child, I understand the thought behind her words.

Two days ago I was in Lowe's when I saw a senior gentleman with snow white hair, flowing beard and mustache. My first thought was "well there's Santa." Mind you it was 90 degrees and the end of May. As he got closer, I realized he was wearing a green shirt, red shorts and red crocs. On the bottom left side of his shorts was an embroidered Santa. I looked around me to see if anyone else had noticed and while there were no children around, there were seven adults in the area and all of them had now spotted the man with rosy cheeks and the big smile. And wouldn't you know, each adult was smiling back and had a glimmer in their eye as if to be remembering the joy they knew as a kid when they saw the man called Claus.

After paying for my purchases, I headed out to the car where the family was waiting and there I was told by my children of the Santa with the Red Mustang and exactly what he was wearing and how I really should have seen him. The excitement that this man caused and we didn't even know if he was the "real" Santa. Wow, to be able to bring smiles to the faces of those around and joy to those whom we don't even know. It was a hot day, not everything was grand on this Wednesday and yet in that moment, all that was gone and smiles did abound between people of different backgrounds.

I tried the clown thing years ago and enjoyed making people smile, mostly kids, and now I find out my own kids are scared of clowns. Amazing! So now, no makeup, no balloon animals and no big shoes, but still a desire to bring that same joy to others that this man did. His background is one who brings gift, however temporary as they tend to be broken or forgotten by next year. He comes once a year, we get excited about a month prior in anticipation and we wish even those we do not know a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays.

Which brings me to this..... How can we claim to have received the greatest gift of all, from One that is always there for us, and yet we can't share at least a smile with each person we meet on a daily basis or even a helping hand to those in need. We tend to be caught up with the things that we believe make us happy instead of understanding that our happiness is in Him and He takes joy when we take care of "the least of these." Instead people who claim to be one thing and then talk about others bring joy to no one.

So the next time you pass someone that you don't know, make eye contact, and then share a smile or a hello. Don't wait for them to speak to you. I'll probably never be one of Santa's helpers, and may never clown again since it scares my own kids, but it is my daily goal without the superficial to actually bring joy to another each day of the life I have left and share that joy that has been given to me. Here's hoping you will too!!!